On being in control
It is a weird thing, thinking about how my dominance comes across, feels, and exhibits itself - as opposed to how the stereotype says.
Today I woke up with a feeling of wanting to dominate someone specific. And not in a standardly stereotypical sexual way, either. It is a feeling that has grown stronger each day, through each hurdle along the route, the more the past has been discussed. But this morning, after pondering about stuff when I was lying in bed last night, drifting to sleep, I woke up with a feeling of utter certaintly.
For me, dominance has recently developed an ever stronger aspect of utter tenderness. I may be the one in control, the one taking the lead, but towards the person submitting to me I feel such warmth, appreciatiation and admiration it makes my heart ache :-).
I feel supremely protective. loving and intensely passionate as a dominant, towards the person who has chosen to submit to me. I want to make them feel like they are the centre of my universe, the source of my pleasure and the one I want to guide. At times it feels like it's the submissives that are to feel like that towards their dominants, but that is how I feel towards my submissive - like I'm giving all I have in me for them and watch them grow with it :-).
It is hard to explain how it feels. To think that someone wants me to take the lead and control is a strong thing to experience, and for me a huge honour. And unlike the common assumption that I want them to do what I want, all the time, regardless of how they feel about it, at the moment I keep thinking about how I can take the lead in a way that will make them happy, feel safe.
The emotional side of D/s is a big thing for me. The physical stuff can be nice, but at the moment the thing that I crave intensely is that mental connection, where I can be deferred to, but where I am seen as someone who treats their submissive like they are the most precious thing in the world. because for me they are. How can you not treasure and adore someone who is willing to give themselves to you in that way? How can that submission not be the most dumbfounding thing to see, something that makes you go silent in awe and amazement?
Tenderness, I guess that is the feeling I have. Wanting someone as mine, but in a hugely 'fluffy' way. Wanting someone to defer to me and to have them feel like I will protect them against anything the life throws at them, fight for them. Not because they're 'mine', but because I want to. To have those moments after a hard day when you just lie together in bed, not having to speak but having that unspoken connection that you just feel. That moment where you stroke someone's hair and think to yourself 'I'll protect you from everything you can ever be scared of, for as long as you want me to'. That moment where you feel responsible for someone, and know it's because you want to be responsible for them.
And having that feeling brought flooding back to you when you're going abouts your everyday life.. that's the most amazing thing. When you smile to yourself because you remember those moments together, and dream of the future moments where you can make someone feel good, and safe...and dream of seeing it before your very eyes, knowing it's because of you, and getting enjoyment because of it.
As said, it's a hard thing to explain. Hopefully one day I can express the feeling in a way that it deserves.
For me, every force in life has a counterforce. The power of control for me, in the best instance, has that soft romantic edge. That determined control has to have feeling behind it that makes my heart sing.
